I am thinking about thinking. There is so much going on in my life right now, and I’m having a hard time categorizing it all, sorting it, storing it, analyzing it, expressing it……I read somewhere today that depression, exhaustion and anxiety are not things to be ashamed of, but a sign of taking on too much for too long. All of us creative folk have our own brand of “crazy” I suppose, but how do you know when you have taken on “too much”?
As some close family members age, my kids grow older, my body changes, my thoughts morph. I find pleasure in the strangest things: warm dogs, completed homework projects, clean kitchens, clean kids.
Where will life take me? I visited my 88 year old grandmother today, always a treat. Not only is she a delightful lady but she has so many wonderful stories about her life. As she reaches the end of it I wonder what she thinks about? Does she still dream and plan?
Will I always have this mental drive that feels like a hamster on a treadmill that never takes a break? Will I ever be able to just sit and look at a sunset without feeling driven to DO something about it? Write about it? Draw it? Research it?
What is it like to sit. Quiet. With no thought. Even when I try not to think, I think about not thinking. Then the flood gates open: should we relocate? How much farther should I take my education? Should I blog or write for suite? Should I journal? Should I crochet? Maybe I’ll just do some laundry.
The floor, I could always sweep the floor.
Why does this mental ping pong game continue for hours upon end? If I could see inside my brain I imagine it would like a party, with synapses and dendrites doing the hokey pokey, singing karaoke, learning the rumba, playing scrabble, scramble and words with friends and eating hot wings dipped in ranch. Forever.
Rain on our holiday parade?? No way Jose! Even the the Grand Marshall Steve Yeager of the WORLD FAMOUS Los Angeles Dodgers was ready to roll with a big grin! I walked two miles in the misty Southern California rain. Why? To support my six year old jr. cheerleader of course! But first I had to schmooze with the celebrity:
The cutest darn Jr. Cheerleader in the world! What a trooper she was!! There were a few times during our two mile trek that she would give me “the look”. You know “the look” that says “Mama I’m done with this, I’ve squeezed every bit of fun I could out of this situation and I want OUT”. Or worse yet, “Carry me”.
Yeah that’s what I need, I can barely hobble my middle age body the route let alone tote an additional 45 pounds on top of it. But after all the rain, the exhaustion and death stares we made it!! We were in a parade and we WALKED IT!
Note to self: I must get back into shape.
My husband and I have been married 17 years. We are not the couple above, but I hope in 20 years we are. Marriage has its ups and downs….highs and lows……ins and outs……discussions and arguments…smiles and frowns…hugs and kisses and if you are very very lucky LAUGHS.
I read somewhere that love is not a “feeling” but a decision. Once the initial passion (you know that heady feeling you had when you used to spend hours on the phone just listening to each other breathe) fizzles you have to find a strong basis for continuing the relationship.
You CHOOSE to love your husband. You have to reach deep sometimes to recall the exact things that used to endear him to you (strangely enough those very same things may annoy you now). You have to put yourself aside and put your marriage first. Nothing and I mean NOTHING is better for your kids than having loving parents to observe and one day hopefully, emulate.
Now, to my husband…how I choose to love him, let me count the ways:
- He is by far the funniest person I know
- He supports my dreams, not only in principle but in application
- He is an excellent provider
- He is the perfect ying to my yang
- He is cuter than a bugs ear
- He always washes the dishes
- He compliments my cooking, even when it is frozen taquitos
- He hugs better than anyone in the world
- He loves our children beyond belief
- The rest are too personal to list 😀
How much do you love your spouse? Do you choose to love them everyday?
Traditional nuclear families are fading more quickly than you can imagine….it is up to us to keep them alive and well!
I love you K!