Thankful Thursday?

ImageI’ve never done a “Thankful Thursday” post. I’ve noticed them floating around the Cyber sphere for a few years, but never felt so inclined. I could also opt for “Throwback Thursday” I’ve seen them too, never done it. You’d think as a writer I’d take advantage of these weekly prompts to stir the Muse, as she’s so good at alluding me, but I haven’t taken advantage as of yet. 

Do you feel me little Muse? Poking at you? Thankful Thursday…….Thankful Thursday….come on you playful little imp, surely we must be Thankful for something. Oh sure, I am sincerely thankful  for all of the wonderful blessings God has given me; my wonderful husband, my darling children, an awesome job, a lovely home. 

I want to be thankful for something different than everyone else. I want to be unique and interesting. I want to leave an impression that will engage my readers and haunt them for days. How ironic that doesn’t make me different from other writers, other artists. There are no guarantees in this business, but I am thankful that it exists. I’m thankful that I have an outlet for my creativity. I’m thankful that writing doesn’t have to be for everyone, it can be solely for my pleasure. 

Living MY Life

ImageThere are some days when your blessings are more blatantly apparent than others. Like a flower garden you pass everyday but suddenly take notice of, the blooms seem a little brighter, a little bigger and smell a little sweeter. Today my heart is full and my blessings abundantly present. I am thankful for this respite as I gaze upon my darling children, listen to their stories and songs. 

I wish I could hold on to this feeling forever, unfortunately living gets in the way of life. Time to prioritize and live like the only things that matter are those I hold closest to my heart. Being content is often overlooked in the name of ambition. Not that there is anything wrong with ambition, but if it gets in the way of enjoying what you already have, let it go. Today I choose to let it go………

Mother Love

ImageSomeone once said: “to be a mother, is to have your heart reside outside of your body”. Never has that felt so true than the day Casey left for boot camp. The pain I felt was so heavy, so real, as if someone had physically punched me in the chest. 

I knew the separation, the restricted communication, would be temporary but that offered  no relief. The fact that he would be far away in an isolating, foreign environment among strangers without the physical or verbal support of his family and friends caused me great distress. 

I remember that day vividly, almost 2 1/2 years ago. I was heading north, alone in my car sobbing uncontrollably like a lost child. With the sadness came anger. Why did MY son feel  he had to serve? Couldn’t someone else’s child take that burden? It didn’t matter that I had three more boys at home, no one could replace Casey’s presence in my heart and home. 

Before my angel left I reminded him that no matter where he was, or how long he had been away, if he looked at the moon he could find comfort that I was gazing at the same heavenly entity, thinking of him, praying for his strength and safety. Indeed every evening I would go outside and look at the moon.

Prayers and tears would find their way to the surface as the familiar pain would return afresh, like a wound reopened. Eight weeks is a long time when it separates a mother from her child, but the end did come, as ends do. I miss my handsome Airman as much as I did at the beginning of this journey, but the pain has dulled now, and I know longer feel angry. 

I feel pride. Pride that my son chose to serve. Pride in myself for my sacrifice. Pride in my son for his sacrifice. I feel love. Love for my son, love for my God. I feel thankful. Thankful to God for protecting my baby, thankful to every military family who has endured separation and loss. 

Another person once said: “Home of the free, because of the brave”.

Brave service men and women. Brave mothers. 

Wednesday Wishes

ImageToday I wish for everlasting epidermal elasticity. I turned 45 about a month ago.  Age doesn’t bother me, after all its just a number. I still feel like the same person I was 30 years ago, a goofy teenager with two left feet and an even goofier sense of humor. A little more wisdom for sure, more experience but my “essence” is the same and hopefully I’ll carry it to my grave (I happen to love the am that I am). But my SKIN is getting all…..weird, wiggly. Enough that cosmetic surgery seems much more attractive than I ever thought possible. Then I remembered Kenny Rogers. Is it possible to have just one surgery? A little eye area lift and neck tightening? Or does one surgery lead to a slippery slope in the never ending battle with time and gravity? How do you feel about cosmetic surgery and what would you have done if money, pain and vanity weren’t standing in your way?

Cigarette Butt Hat?

ImageMy husband and I watched the “Movie Awards” for about a fraction of a second. Just long enough to catch the image of a lovely young girl walking across the acceptance stage with a cigarette butt on her head. Why would she choose this look? Is this pro smoking? Anti smoking? Maybe she doesn’t realize it is a cigarette butt and is just thrilled with her unique cranial accessory. I wonder if she will ever wear it again? Do you think it will “go” with anything in her wardrobe? What shoes  do you wear with a cigarette butt hat? What handbag should you use? So many questions…so few answers. Good thing there is only two hats I like to wear and it doesn’t matter what kind of shoes I wear. One is my beat up cowboy hat and the other is a military like cap that I wear at the lake. I’ll never win any awards for uniqueness….but then again I’ll never be seen with a cigarette butt on my head either. 

Metacognition: How does my brain work? The Ramble of a Disorganized Process

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I am thinking about thinking. There is so much going on in my life right now, and I’m having a hard time categorizing it all, sorting it, storing it, analyzing it, expressing it……I read somewhere today that depression, exhaustion and anxiety are not things to be ashamed of, but a sign of taking on too much for too long. All of us creative folk have our own brand of “crazy” I suppose, but how do you know when you have taken on “too much”?

As some close family members age, my kids grow older, my body changes, my thoughts morph. I find pleasure in the strangest things: warm dogs, completed homework projects, clean kitchens, clean kids. 

Where will life take me? I visited my 88 year old grandmother today, always a treat. Not only is she a delightful lady but she has so many wonderful stories about her life. As she reaches the end of it I wonder what she thinks about? Does she still dream and plan? 

Will I always have this mental drive that feels like a hamster on a treadmill that never takes a break? Will I ever be able to just sit and look at a sunset without feeling driven to DO something about it? Write about it? Draw it? Research it? 

What is it like to sit. Quiet. With no thought. Even when I try not to think, I think about not thinking. Then the flood gates open: should we relocate? How much farther should I take my education? Should I blog or write for suite? Should I journal? Should I crochet? Maybe I’ll just do some laundry. 

The floor, I could always sweep the floor.

Why does this mental ping pong game continue for hours upon end? If I could see inside my brain I imagine it would like a party, with synapses and dendrites doing the hokey pokey, singing karaoke, learning the rumba, playing scrabble, scramble and words with friends and eating hot wings dipped in ranch. Forever. 

 

Holiday Parade Fun

ImageRain on our holiday parade?? No way Jose! Even the the Grand Marshall Steve Yeager of the WORLD FAMOUS Los Angeles Dodgers was ready to roll with a big grin! I walked two miles in the misty Southern California rain. Why? To support my six year old jr. cheerleader of course! But first I had to schmooze with the celebrity:Image

 

Had I known Steve was going to be there I would have brought a ball to sign, alas I had no such forethought..I was too busy concentrating on this: Image

The cutest darn Jr. Cheerleader in the world! What a trooper she was!! There were a few times during our two mile trek that she would give me “the look”. You know “the look” that says “Mama I’m done with this, I’ve squeezed every bit of fun I could out of this situation and I want OUT”. Or worse yet, “Carry me”. 

Yeah that’s what I need, I can barely hobble my middle age body the route let alone tote an additional 45 pounds on top of it. But after all the rain, the exhaustion and death stares we made it!! We were in a parade and we WALKED IT!

Note to self: I must get back into shape. 

 

Husbands, Marriage and Love

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My husband and I have been married 17 years. We are not the couple above, but I hope in 20 years we are. Marriage has its ups and downs….highs and lows……ins and outs……discussions and arguments…smiles and frowns…hugs and kisses and if you are very very lucky LAUGHS.

I read somewhere that love is not a “feeling” but a decision. Once the initial passion (you know that heady feeling you had when you used to spend hours on the phone just listening to each other breathe) fizzles you have to find a strong basis for continuing the relationship.

You CHOOSE to love your husband. You have to reach deep sometimes to recall the exact things that used to endear him to you (strangely enough those very same things may annoy you  now). You have to put yourself aside and put your marriage first. Nothing and I mean NOTHING is better for your kids than having loving parents to observe and one day hopefully, emulate.

Now, to my husband…how I choose to love him, let me count the ways:

  1. He is by far the funniest person I know
  2. He supports my dreams, not only in principle but in application
  3. He is an excellent provider
  4. He is the perfect ying to my yang
  5. He is cuter than a bugs ear
  6. He always washes the dishes
  7. He compliments my cooking, even when it is frozen taquitos
  8. He hugs better than anyone in the world
  9. He loves our children beyond belief
  10. The rest are too personal to list 😀

How much do you love your spouse? Do you choose to love them everyday?

Traditional nuclear families are fading more quickly than you can imagine….it is up to us to keep them alive and well!

I love you K!